I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
