you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
