I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
