Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
