I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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