Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
