Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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