I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
