Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
