She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize