he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
