i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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