There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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