Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
