I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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