I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
