my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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