You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
