We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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