My nipple is on Facebook.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
