I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
