We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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