remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i love accidental penises.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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