my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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