just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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