She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
