So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
