Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
