I wish I could punch you in the face.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
