I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
