I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
