seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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