when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
