Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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