A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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