Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
