I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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