Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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