My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
