ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
