I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
