ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
