Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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