I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
