2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
