If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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