why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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