Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
