remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
