So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
